50 Years of Damn Fine Motoring! (Mini: 1959-2009)

Me remembers me former bar manager sniggering when he saw a bunch of souped-up Minis racing around a track on Astro some years back. To him, it was a dinky little toy car & it amused him no end that these "old" machines were capable of speed of any sort.

Me however set the record straight when me pointed out the Mighty Mini's proud racing heritage, in particular its famous Monte Carlo rally victories from 1964-67. (In 1966, Minis were suspiciously disqualified after claiming the first FOUR places on the podium.) Now, the Mini wasn't racing within a specified class, it fooking beat the living daylights out of many more exotic marques in those rallies - Jaguar, Aston Martin & . . . yes, Ferrari!!!

Anyways, me has long been in love with these lil machines. Maybe it was to do with the Tiger comic strip - Mike's Marvellous Mini. Or the fact that one of me primary shool friend's dad had one. Whatever it was, me was besotted from an early age. Me just couldn't understand why me dad didn't have one instead of all those boring Jap cars he kept buying.

Now between me brother & me, we have a Mk3 as well as a Clubman which has had a stub-nose facelift. But me pride & fooking joy has got to be the MkI which ye see here (which was an engagement pressie of sorts fer me wifey). After quite some time in the workshops, me brother & meself proudly displayed THE RED MACHINE at the 50th Anniversary of the Mini @ Dataran Shah Alam today. Only two owners since rolling off the assembly line in 1965 & almost 100% original, this car elicits plenty of smiles, waves & friendly honks wherever it goes.

Although there were plenty of pristine specimens at the Mini Carnival, me was proud as fook as me Red Machine drew plenty of envious looks & enquiries from fellow enthusiasts. As with any vintage model, there'll be plenty of tears & heartache along the way but ye know what, its fooking worth it.

ps: If any of ye want to get on the Mini bandwagon, do give me a buzz. Me welcomes some company whilst waiting fer that lazy bastard Bernard to sort his wheels out.

pps: What do The Beatles, Peter Sellers, David Bowie & Paul Weller have in common? They all owned Minis!

Dream Cars

I have been lucky enough to have had the opportunity to be able to afford some of me very own dream machines (though not of the super-expensive luxury variety). Always wanted a Beetle, and me very first car when I started working was a Bug. Me & me mates had plenty of drunken, rowdy adventures in that bright red Buggy, that is, until I fooking wrecked it.

Also been a fan of the Mini ever since I was captivated by the very chic & urban looking Clubman when I was a wee lad. Kept bugging me dad to buy one as a family car but me dad thought they were rubbish cars ("too low, too small & too unconfortable"). So he told me that I had to fooking wait till I was old enough to buy me own wheels. And that's exactly what I did. I now own two models - the Austin MkIII (1973) version was originally bought with a 1275 GT engine but is now in the care of my sibling who has put in quite a few nice touches to it; and me pride & joy the Austin MkI (1965) which is almost 99% original. (Sorry, don't have a digital camera or a scanner to download some pix here - will do so in future).

So it fills with great pride that this humble small car had managed to make it onto Jeremy Clarkson's top 10 of the all time greats. Whatever you may say bout JC, he & his chums make Top Gear the absolute BEST motoring programme on the telly (NTV7, Sun 3pm). Funny, irreverent & downright rude at times, Top Gear manages to capture the very zeitgeist of the infantile male psyche - fast cars & a penchant fer fooking destroying stuff! (see what happens to the Kelisa below & you'll see what I mean. Ha ha!)

So fer you viewing pleasure, here are the videos (above, in two parts) of Jeremy Clarkson top 10 greatest road machines. (note Brit-ccentric bias with complete shut out of Jap cars!)

WARNING: Please have kleenex on stand by to wipe drool, especially with regards to numero uno.

PS: Bernard & wifey - make sure you check out no9; you'll love this bit.