Why Italian car owners are a breed apart . . .

Some time ago, a thread appeared on Italia Auto Malaysia website & apparently, an unfortunate Alfa owner had his Bella stolen.

Car was later found abandoned & stripped of vital parts & ICE.

The bangkai of said Alfa was towed to Subang Jaya police station & left out in front.

Some of the members were wondering whether the car could be bought or taken away to be used for spare parts.

They enquired & were told that it was being held as evidence in a theft case. Car has been written off by insurance company.

So whilst waiting fer the case to go to court, one of the IA members took great pity on seeing such a magnificent car's interior fade due to a broken window.

This is wot he did . . .



Respect la this dude . . .

Alternative

Nay more waxing, nay more fooking stone chips, nay more agonising over faded paintjobs.

This certainly looks like a very viable alternative.

Shop is new & is offering attractive price schemes to draw in patrons.

Anyone game to try this?

Built fer F1, broken by . . .

Tarox is a company founded by Gianni Taroni in 1976 & specialises in making high performance braking systems. Its reputation was greatly enchanced when it powered Williams to F1 victory in the 1982 season.

D'Yella Beast came fitted with a set of these magnificent brakes & the previous owner assures me they are in very good nick.

So how is it possible fer me demure wifey to wear out a set of these THICK, BIG ASS pads in less than a year??!!??

Better than Viagra!

Dropped by AutoConnexion's showroon in Jln 13/2, PJ last weekend & me is still having a fooking raging stiffy. Was told that there are some pre-reg 159s fer sale at a hefty discount & fook me, this is one seriously nice car. From the hand stiched leather interior to the triple headlamps, me very nearly creamed meself from the sheer beauty alone.

Most have fairly low-mileage on them as they were only used fer some promo work last Nov. Buyers will get RM20k knocked off the price tag (ie RM178k), nice number plate as well as six months free road tax.

Yes, it is a LOT of dough. But once ye've seen it . . .

The words 'beg, borrow or fooking steal one' come to mind.

ps: Ye can call Mazmi @ 0183765100 fer a test drive. Go on . . . ye won't regret it!

A Career in Modelling

Am sure some of ye tune in to Astro's ch734 regularly & would've noticed one of the trailers that goes something like this:

"It's not easy being a top model. Sure, there's the girls, the photoshoots & pampering. But behind the scenes there's the workouts, the extreme makeovers & the greasy fan boys. But at the end of the day, its all worth it."

Well, me is pleased to say D'Yella Beast got to experience just that when it was invited to be part of Italia Auto's calendar shoot.

The shoot took place @ Jemima Films on Jln Tun Razak which houses loads of vintage cars (that's another blog posting on its own when me has sifted thru the tons of pix me took). Five cars (Mito, 155, classic GTV, Bravo GT & yers truly) were invited plus a super rare Dino from the Jemima collection was used fer the shoot.

All in it was great fun & made the hours of muscle ache-inducing waxing D'Yella Beast worthwhile. Cannae fooking wait to see the finished product.

ps: A big TQ to Sherman of Time Studios & Nik Azwaa fer organising this. It was a fooking blast!

Pictures Of You

Petrolheads who treat their rides like first wives, take note.

Here's yer chance to capture yer beloved wheels in all its greased lightning glory courtesy of Time Studios. Owner is a fellow Italia Auto member & has come up with some special packages.

As ye can see, me took the Yella Beast fer the shoot & me has to say, me is pretty fooking chuffed with the result.

Those who use better oils fer their cars than fer their own cooking & better towels to clean the cars than to wipe their own bollox should give this special offer serious consideration.

Anyone interested can call Sherman at 012-6918776.

For more information on the packages available, kindly click here: http://timestudios.blogspot.com/2010/11/to-all-automotive-enthusiasts.html

Go on, ye know its fooking worth it.

Wot's the appeal . . .?

Am often asked wot is the fooking appeal of Italian marques as me has been raving about em like a rabid dawg since getting one recently. Me thinks a pix (or several of them) will convey the answer more eloquently than me ever could. Ye see when a dude stares at this . . .
He is actually dreaming of this . . .

And when someone with rather deeper pockets sets his eyes on one of these . . .

He is actually aiming fer a bit of this . . .

A fella who will mortgage his home & quite possibly his soul fer a taste of this . . .

Is really smacking his lips in anticipation of this . . .

A dude who opts fer this blacker-than-nite affair . . .

will feel he's with her even on a solo ride across state lines . . .

This is all in spite of the repeated warnings that wot's in store is a whole shit load of this . . .

Several post-scripts:

1) Women are always accussing us having only one thing on our mind . . . know wot, they're fooking right . . . Buying an Italian merely confirms wot everyone knows - yer a horny lil' devil.

2) We are just BOYS & their TOYS. We never learn, we never fooking grow up . . . So why not act out yer automotive fantasies with some of the most delectable cars ever to be made.

3) Cars are an extension of our personalities. People who say they are not bothered by wot they drive are basically declaring . . . (insert appropriate put down here) . . .

4) Yes, cars are penile extensions. So fooking wot? So are ties & every fooker's got one on!(*So its kinda scary if ye drives a Nissan Sylphy - its like saying ye've got some sorta STD!!!*).

5) Automotive style is not price sensitive. Fer example, a pre-owned pocket rocket like a Fiat Punto HGT costs less than a fooking Viva.

6) Different strokes fer diff folks, some will say . . . yeah, yeah . . . Its like saying ye don't dig Monica which means yer either BLIND or . . .

Get the picture?

A Couple of Italians hanging out in Puchong . . .

Me folks had invited a few relatives over fer Diwali & one of me cousin's hubby brought along his new plaything . . .

Took the opportunity to get a "family shot" of the Yella Beast with its Modena sibling.

Some glamorous behinds . . .

Also made sure kiddo got a feel of that rarefied Italian cockpit.

Now that's wot ye calls a proper upbringing . . .

Hope ye all are having a blast of a Diwali weekend . . . me knows Seth is.

Atomic Power

Love Top Gear, abso-fooking-lutely love this clip.

The sheer power of the damn thing is frightening.

Wonder if the day will come when such (yet not ridiclously expensive) exotica will ever reach these shores. Can ye just imagine going round a track in this or going on a hill climb?

Probably the most fun one can have with their clothes on.

Do enjoy the video & share yer comments.

ps: Apologies fer more automotive porn . . .

Focus & Discipline

Talk about fooking focus & discipline!

The consunmate ease in which he pushed his machine into the redline & the ability to keep them neat lines despite the skimpily-attired distraction.

Cool or wot!!?!

Me thinks this should be mandotory viewing fer all students looking to apply unwavering attention to the task at hand.

ps: East meets West - bmw with honda power plant.

Unleash the inner racerboy!

Ever wanted a car that just screamed SPEED DEMON? Ever wished ye had a hobby car just so ye can unleash the weekend racer that lurks deep in the inner recesses of yer juvenile psyche?

Spotted this lil red riding hood in ItaliaAuto forum & ye can revive yer F1/Rally/Vin Diesel alter ego with just 20 big ones . . .

Fer more details: http://www.italiaauto.net/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=21470

Go on, get it . . . ye knows ye fooking wants it!

Little Boys' Toys

Saw this in a back-dated issue of Octane mag & is a three-gear, pedal-powered junior sports car fer three-six year olds, produced by Morgan, UK, as part of their centenary celebrations last year.

And although me Master Seth is still a few months shy of his first birthday bash, me will have to start saving now if me wants to get him this. Why? Price fer this lil toy . . . a cool three thousand quid!!!



Donations to the 'Master Seth's Morgan Project' are welcome. Cheques accepted.

ps: Wifey has niggling suspicion that above three wheeler is fer me benefit, not Seth's. Me reassures her that me doubts the cockpit will be able to fit me ample frame . . .

Not-so-fast & Furious!

Despite having been interested in cars fer a long time, me has never been active in any motoring club. But this morning, wifey & meself made the effort to roll out of bed fer our maiden Ulu Yam run. Don't know why, but the Italian bug has bitten hard & has certainly given a fresh twist to weekend activities (goodbye lingering hangovers, hello teetotal morning drives!).

Bout 20 other enthusiasts (or lunatics depending on yer standpoint) gathered at Batu Caves fer the flag off & we were soon to experience yet another glorious chapter in this so-called midlife crisis of mine. The twisty, bendy B-roads leading to Ulu Yam certainly makes fer challenging driving & with most of these guys seasoned veterans of the route & having fooking throttle-heavy feet, it was quite the adventure especially fer novice (& conservative) drivers like meself!

But hey, as the participants were keen to stress, biar mati eksyen, jangan mati accident. Safety first & we was repeatedly reminded to enjoy ourselves & to drive at our own pace. Easier said than done when most of the cars start zipping past ye & disappearing off into the horizon!

Pix above demonstrate the quirky demands of our beloved rides as most took the scheduled breaks to give the engines a little breather. Don't really think ye sees the Porche/Beemer/insert-appropriate-reliable-marque having fag breaks with their fooking hoods up! But therein lies the charm of these wonderfully idiosyncratic machines. Unreliable they may be & even expensive to maintain, there's something bout them Italian breeds that just makes us obsessive (think Cameron Diaz in Something About Mary & ye gets the picture).

Me has longed heard of Italian car owners waxing lyrical about their rides despite spending most of their time in garages & have often wondered wot is it bout these cars that engendered such fervent passion & pride. This trip has made it even clearer. Despite the mystery "sounds" that emanate from various crevices, the dodgy temp gauge ("how hot was yer car?" was an oft-asked question during the run) & being at the arse end of the contingent, me still emerged feeling exhilarated, thrilled & pleased-as-Willie-fooking-Wonka-in-the-choc-factory.

Fun, camaraderie & the simple pleasure of taking yer ride out on some nice winding route. Fooking brilliant!

Boys & Their Toys

Being a new dad pretty much means me is cooped at home most weekends. So last Saturday night me decided it was good time to try out me new toy - a Black & Decker orbital polisher.

Started the wash at 10pm & since this was me debut effort with the machine, it took longer than the usual bicep-powered method. Careful not to scratch the surface, me managed to finally finish the polishing & waxing at the ungodly hour of 3am! (Neighbour thought me was fooking nuts).

But this was the result . . .

Not bad fer a first time if me says so meself . . .

Feeling quite pleased with the effort, there was enough time fer a "small" reward just before the crack of dawn.

ps: Of course, following tradition, if ye wash yer car, it will rain. And since me washed, polished & waxed the car, it fooking pissed down with rain the ENTIRE fooking Sunday . . . Ah well, good excuse to crack open a few more beers next weekend . . .

Let It Be Done!

If ye've got an itch, fooking scratch it!

Was looking to upgrade wifey's wheels to accomodate Master Seth. Instead . . .



Never let 'PRACTICALITY' get in the way of motoring nirvana . . . Have a great weekend, me knows I will.

Cars & their power to move ye . . .

Are cars mere modes of transportation or are they something which resonate deep within our souls? Of course, there are many who argue that it is the former & whilst me makes nay bones about that being the primary function but to wholeheartedly agree would mean sucking the artistry & unique qualities out of almost everything. Or as Simon Cowell would say, that its missing the "X factor".

Reducing everything to its bare functionality would mean there'd be nay place fer artistic whims or fancy. The Bauhaus school of thought may work fer some but only if there were alternatives to ensure our roads are not reduced to an endless procession of Kancil & Vios-type blandness.

Just to make it a little clearer fer the ladies who are greatly culpable of reducing our car market to a homogeny of the aforementioned brands (in no other transmission but AUTO), imagine a world without designer shoes, handbags, clothes & knick knacks coz all they do is LOOK & FEEL NICE. Start wearing a gunny sack me says . . . No?

Me is nay snob but in me quest fer something with a little character, me has been bombarded with all sorts of "advice" from so-called experts. A great example would be the mother in law who seems to think that the holy triumvirate of MyVi, Vios & Swift are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Why? "Coz my friend's daughter bought one so it must be a good car . . ."

But the worse offenders were some fellow MX5 owners who thought me should plonk fer a "practical mommy mobile". Coming from them made it quite unpalatable since me thought being owners of two-seater convertibles, they would have something more constructive to offer.

Like how music & film is being reduced to generic formulaic crap, same is happening in the automotive industry. Do yer bit to stop everything being homogenised. Ye can start by buying an old banger of a car that screams "I've got FOOKING CHARACTER" even if its broken down by the side of the road . . .

Desire . . .

Why are nice things always so daaaaaamn expensive?

Its not the purchase price, rather the maintenance . . .

Been car hunting recently & have had me head turned by this beautiful Fiat Coupe. Quite a few around & prices range from RM30,000 to RM85,000. But its the horror stories me hears from other coupe owners that have put a halt to me dreaming (eg timing belt change: RM1500 / brake pump: RM1700 etc etc). Fooking hell . . .

Comments?

Buy one now!

Now, me is gonna be a bit of a sloth with this post & let a pro do all the writing. And there's a few reasons fer this laziness.

1) Like many others, me thinks Jeremy Clarkson is a brilliant writer who can twaddle on about anything & yet make fooking great copy.

2) Me has been banging on to anyone who would listen that if yer looking fer some wheels which are stylish, fun & affordable, there's nothing like the MX5. Having lived with one fer over two years, the car offers virtually everything from superb handling to soft/hard top practicality. Only downside is that it ain't that fast. But fook it, the MX5 single-handedly revived the sports car market & has received over 150 awards since its inception in 1989.

So me is hoping the article below will prompt some of ye to go check some out. Prices fer the older NA models start around RM40k & there are some very tasty specimens up fer sale at the local MX5 forum (click here to view: http://www.mx5my.com/forums/index.php?s=ce6591f522ea1f21f3c422b015421070&showforum=19).

As fer those who moan about practicality & the model being too flash, me retort is 'how fooking old do ye wanna be before having some automotive fun?'. And ye can do that fer less cash than the asking price fer a MyVi. And nope, they do NOT cost an arm & a leg to maintain.

Live life - Buy a MX5 now.

Mazda MX-5
It’s far too cool for you, Mr Footballer
Jeremy Clarkson in The Times (UK) 13 Jan 2008

As the reputation of all the most exquisite cars continues to be embrowned by the nation’s footballers, those who try to combine extreme wealth with a splash of discretion and good taste find themselves in a bit of a quandary.

In the olden days, if you were to turn up at a party in a Ferrari or a Maserati, women might imagine that you were the Aga Khan. Today, however, they will cower in a cupboard all night, fearful that if they come out they will be roasted in front of a jeering mob who’ll record the event on their mobile phones and, in the morning, upload it all to the internet. “I have a Ferrari” is code for “I am a rapist”. Or, worse, “I am Kerry Katona”.

The solution, then, for wealthy people who are not rapists or Kerry Katona is to buy a car that simply isn’t on a footballer’s radar. A car that manages to be expensive and comfortable, and possibly even quite fast, without shouting, “Look at me.” A fatboy car.

The Bristol Blenheim is a fatboy car. So is the Mercedes SL. Then you have the Rolls-Royce Phantom, the Bentley Continental Flying Spur, the Jaguar XJR, the Range Rover – but emphatically not the Sport – the BMW 7-series, and the car I was given for Christmas. A 37-year-old Mercedes 600 Grosser.

Launched in 1963, it was by far and away the most expensive car in the world, with a price tag, in America, of $20,000. In its 18-year production run only 2,677 were made and almost all were bought by people who did not play football. Idi Amin, Louis Winthorpe from the film Trading Places and Leonid Brezhnev. Mao Tse-tung was said to be very fond of his, and it’s easy to see why.

Today we marvel at the power-operated boot lids on cars such as the Lexus LS 600h but the Mercedes Grosser had this feature 45 years ago. And yes, while it does without such luxuries as a heated rear window, and the dim/dip light switch is on the floor, it does have power-operated seats, windows, sunroof and even doors. And the power does not come from a fickle electric motor either. Oh no. Everything that moves on the Grosser is powered by hydraulics. Small wonder it weighs three tons.

It’s not a car you can just get into and drive, either, because hydraulics also operate the suspension. So after starting the engine you must do a crossword while the body rises to the correct height.

Still, you can then make up lost time because it has a 6.3 litre engine. The first production V8 Mercedes ever made, it develops 300bhp, thanks to fuel injection. In other words, in terms of luxury and power this was quite literally 40 years ahead of its time. In terms of style, however, it was bang-on, pure, 100% 1963. This was a time when designers were allowed to fit a car with ornaments, and the Grosser is fitted with so many it could almost be twinned with Elton John’s head.

The double bumpers, the enormous grille, the chromed wheelarches: it is a festival of brightwork and I’m only surprised it isn’t followed everywhere by a flock of magpies.

It’s the same story inside, where it’s fitted with nothing so vulgar as tinted glass. Instead you get curtains, along with interior glass wind deflectors should you feel the need to drive along with the windows down, waving serenely at the untermenschen.

The only thing that it didn’t come with as standard – but that I shall be adding as soon as I’ve designed them – are two flags on the front wings. This is the only sound you want to hear as you cruise along. The fluttering of two pennants.

Or, rather, this is the sound I imagine you’d like to hear. I can’t say for sure because I’ve had the car for a week now and so far I haven’t actually driven it. This is because most of the time it won’t start.

Sometimes it turns over with a decreasing level of enthusiasm for 10 minutes before the Titanic battery gives up the ghost. And sometimes it doesn’t turn over at all. Occasionally it coughs a little burp of hope and I prod the throttle, trying like a man marooned on a desert island to breathe a little life into the sliver of flame. But never quite succeeding.

So then I plug it into a trickle charger, and after two hours have been spent pumping some fresh enthusiasm into the battery, the engine bursts into an uneven V8 strum. The sound of joy. Followed by the groan of despair as I realise that, this being Christmastime, I’ve passed the time as the battery charged with my face in a bucket of red wine. And now I’m too drunk to go anywhere.

And so we must now leave the olden days when cars worked only if there was some warmth in the month, and look at the complete opposite of the 600 Grosser. The Mazda MX-5.

When I first encountered the new version of this modern classic, I reported that it was a better-looking, more practical version of something we all loved anyway and that you should all have one. And you all responded by buying something else.

No, really. The new MX-5 is like the new Ford Mondeo and the Subaru Legacy Outback. It is one of those cars that’s absolutely brilliant . . . and nobody buys it. You never see one on the road.

Fearful, therefore, that I’d missed some crucial aspect of the car – a spike in the driver’s seat, perhaps, or a snake in the glove box – I decided to have another look. And there’s nothing; not even a preposterous price tag. The new soft-top Mazda starts at just £15,730.

So what’s the problem? I’ve given the matter some serious thought and I’ve decided what the car missed most of all was the mark. I liked the way the old car had few luxuries, because that made it light. For the same reason it had a canvas roof you raised and lowered by hand, and I liked that too. But actually, the fact is most of us would prefer some creature comforts and a roof that moved about using electricity. We may have been drawn to the idea of an MX-5 but actually we all went out and bought a convertible Vauxhall Astra instead.

Well, Mazda has obviously realised this too because the new 2 litre Roadster Coupé I tried has a superfast electric metal roof, a surround sound Bose stereo, and a button on the dash that says “Media”. God knows what it did.

All of this must be terribly galling for the engineers who struggled to make the new car only 22lb heavier than the old one. To find the marketing department adding stuff is probably enough to have them all disembowelling themselves but the fact is this: it doesn’t make a jot of difference.

The engine still feels unsullied by cotton wool damping and active exhaust tuning. The gearbox still snicks. The handling is still deliciously front-engined and rear-drive. You still feel hemmed in behind the wheel and the plastics appear, correctly in a car of this type, to have been fitted to shroud various wires and rough edges. Not as a surface you feel inspired to lick and caress.

The MX-5, then, still feels simple and sprightly and lively. It still feels basic and honest and wonderful. It’s still a bacon sandwich made with good bread, good butter and good meat. Only now it has a splash of HP sauce.

It is an epic car, this. A car for fatboys who are still thin.

50 Years of Damn Fine Motoring! (Mini: 1959-2009)

Me remembers me former bar manager sniggering when he saw a bunch of souped-up Minis racing around a track on Astro some years back. To him, it was a dinky little toy car & it amused him no end that these "old" machines were capable of speed of any sort.

Me however set the record straight when me pointed out the Mighty Mini's proud racing heritage, in particular its famous Monte Carlo rally victories from 1964-67. (In 1966, Minis were suspiciously disqualified after claiming the first FOUR places on the podium.) Now, the Mini wasn't racing within a specified class, it fooking beat the living daylights out of many more exotic marques in those rallies - Jaguar, Aston Martin & . . . yes, Ferrari!!!

Anyways, me has long been in love with these lil machines. Maybe it was to do with the Tiger comic strip - Mike's Marvellous Mini. Or the fact that one of me primary shool friend's dad had one. Whatever it was, me was besotted from an early age. Me just couldn't understand why me dad didn't have one instead of all those boring Jap cars he kept buying.

Now between me brother & me, we have a Mk3 as well as a Clubman which has had a stub-nose facelift. But me pride & fooking joy has got to be the MkI which ye see here (which was an engagement pressie of sorts fer me wifey). After quite some time in the workshops, me brother & meself proudly displayed THE RED MACHINE at the 50th Anniversary of the Mini @ Dataran Shah Alam today. Only two owners since rolling off the assembly line in 1965 & almost 100% original, this car elicits plenty of smiles, waves & friendly honks wherever it goes.

Although there were plenty of pristine specimens at the Mini Carnival, me was proud as fook as me Red Machine drew plenty of envious looks & enquiries from fellow enthusiasts. As with any vintage model, there'll be plenty of tears & heartache along the way but ye know what, its fooking worth it.

ps: If any of ye want to get on the Mini bandwagon, do give me a buzz. Me welcomes some company whilst waiting fer that lazy bastard Bernard to sort his wheels out.

pps: What do The Beatles, Peter Sellers, David Bowie & Paul Weller have in common? They all owned Minis!