Friday, September 26, 2008

Fer Fart's Sake


As we head off fer the weekend, me leaves you with this cautionary tale. Beware the next time you feel the need to expel yer noxious fumes in the company of others lest you get slapped with a fooking writ!

Read on . . . & hope you have an "assault"-free weekend!

Man charged with ‘assault’ for passing gas
NEW YORK, Sept 25 — A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it towards a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over on Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyser test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair towards Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas towards the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair towards the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyser test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time." — AP


ps: "RE: "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged." Ha ha ha! Me fooking wonders how a court will determine whether the fumes were offensive enough to constitute assault? Get the defendant to let one fly? Now that's what me calls a fooking vulgar diplay of power! Ahh ahhhhh hhaa haa ha hahrg!

14 comments:

senorita.. said...

disrespectful detainee.... lol

Life's Like That said...

Haha! Some laws are just hilarious!

anfield devotee said...

senorita: Unless of course the detainee was telling the truth that the police didn't allow him to visit the loo & he "couldn't hold it in".

LLT: Wonder if self-defense is a ligitimate reason??!!!?

Kopite78 said...

Hmmmm!!! I wonder if I would get the same punishment if I were to burp in the face of our ever so respectable traffic cop who were to pull me over for DUI after a night out on the binge followed by bak kut teh????

akuani said...

maybe this law would be workable for those assholes who fart in the congested LRT killing everyone slowly with what smells like fermented beans ehehhe

Achilles said...

AD: Hahahaha... funny stuff. But actually if somebody farted near you and fanned it towards you and you did get a whiff of the stench, you would be pissed too. Since the police officer can't physically hit the guy in retaliation, no choice but to charge him i guess.

I dunno... just trying to make sense of it i guess.

anfield devotee said...

Kopite78: Make sure you add lotsa garlic to yer BKT as well . . . Hee hee

akuani: Beans? Lucky it wasn't durians rite!!!

akuani said...

ahahahha adoi! Methane to the max man!!

anfield devotee said...

achilles: hee hee . . . me thinks if you are able to charge a person with assault & battery fer parping his/her trombone, some fookers will be looking at very very very long stretches behind bars.

Tinesh said...

bugger if we farted at an officer we prolly kena charge with ISA.. Ikut Suka Aku to the galore :D

hilarious as hell posting

Anba said...

Recipe for Hell Fart...
EEt
petai + durian + legumes + oats + any red meat
sure to be a killer combo...hmmmm

senorita.. said...

anba, eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww

anfield devotee said...

anba: Me thiks that combo won't just lead you to expelling just gas . . .

senorita.. said...

nEverton 0

Mighty Red 2

Robbie Keane kissed Torres for me...

=D