Fer Fart's Sake

As we head off fer the weekend, me leaves you with this cautionary tale. Beware the next time you feel the need to expel yer noxious fumes in the company of others lest you get slapped with a fooking writ!

Read on . . . & hope you have an "assault"-free weekend!

Man charged with ‘assault’ for passing gas
NEW YORK, Sept 25 — A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it towards a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over on Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyser test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair towards Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas towards the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair towards the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyser test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time." — AP

ps: "RE: "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged." Ha ha ha! Me fooking wonders how a court will determine whether the fumes were offensive enough to constitute assault? Get the defendant to let one fly? Now that's what me calls a fooking vulgar diplay of power! Ahh ahhhhh hhaa haa ha hahrg!